The Hardest Thing

So during service on Sunday I couldn't concentrate. I know it sounds bad but how can I focus on God with all this stuff? It's junk. Well here's what I got:
1 Thessalonians 5:16-Always be joyful.
Right now I am really struggling with this. i have always tried to put a smile on my face despite how I am feeling. I used to be able to do this so easily. When I said I was mad I would be laughing. But lately, within this past month, I've been finding it really hard to smile and laugh. I keep reminding myself of all the blessings God has provided me. I try not to swell on all the bad things that are going on. This stage is also awkward to me because I don't like talking about my problems because I don't like complaining. But I'm learning how to do this. My friend brought up a good point: How can you be vulnerable to God, and the Holy Spirit if you aren't vulnerable to man, living flesh. She said something along those lines, not sure if it was exactly that but pretty close. I don't open up to many people and when I do it is still a little reserved. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 goes on to say Never stop praying. This I have been struggling on too I haven't stopped but I feel like I should be doing it more. I know this is a time of growing. God is preparing me for what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. I got prayer this morning. One of the ladies kept saying "I'm calling you Bobbi. I'm calling you." It reassured me and, I believe, more confirmation because I believe it was God talking to me through her. She also said more encouragement for me and made tear up. I feel all mucky inside. Kinda like there is moss growing inside me. I don't know what it is but when I start to think about it I get sick. I've been getting sick a lot lately. Not like sick sick where I am bedridden but an upset stomach and I feel like throwing up. I gag but nothing comes out. What do you do when you know you are supposed to be joyful always when you know you are being attacked, physically, mentally, and spiritually? I try not to snap. I really do. But sometimes it just gets to me. Then I feel bad about it after. I ask for forgiveness but then sometimes I turn around and do it again. I really don't

and that is where I ended cause I started to feel really sick. I felt like throwing up again but when I got to the bathroom nothing came up...I know it sounds sick but it feels a lot worse. Its just really hard right now and I know I'm gonna get through this.

Seeing

So lately I've been having trouble with my sight, both literally and spiritually. My contacts have been bugging me like crazy. For some reason they just won't stay and I have to put them in a couple times before they actually stay. It bugs the crap out of me and I've been rubbing my eyes like crazy the past couple days. When I dream I don't see clearly. It's like I'm looking through a foggy glass. I can remember my dreams but they are hazy. Like I am trying to look through fog. I talked to my mom about it and she said that this could be God telling me to open up my eyes. Which makes sense to me. I've been praying for God to open my eyes and see the things unseen. I've actually made that part of Hosanna by Hillsong my prayer, "Heal my heart and make it clean Open up my eyes to the things unseen Show me how to love like you have loved me Break my heart from what breaks yours Everything I am for your kingdom's cause As I go from nothing to eternity" And I've totally felt different since I've been praying this. I have been hurting for those who are slowly turning away from God. Who aren't showing that they live for God. They say that they love Christ but their lives do not show it all. It hurts. And I want to try to help them. I truly do. But I feel so awkward. I don't really know these people but I care for them. This is something I am really going to work on. Talking to people even if they won't listen. Ezekiel 2:5~And whether they listen or refuse to listen-for remember, they are rebels-at least they will know they have had a prophet among them. Now I am not a prophet as far as I know, but I can tell people about God and what God has to tell them through me. In chapter 3, It goes on to say "If I warn the wicked, saying, 'You are under the penalty of death,' but you fail to deliver the warning, they will die in their sins. And I will hold you responsible for their deaths. If you warn them and they refuse to repent and keep on sinning, they will die in their sins. Buy you will have saved yourself because you obeyed me. If righteous people turn away from their righteous behavior and ignore the obstacles I put in their way, they will die. And if you do not warn them, they will die in their sins. None of their righteous acts will be remembered, and I will hold you responsible for their deaths. But if you warn righteous people not to sin and they listen to you and do not sin, they will live, and you will have saved yourself, too." (18-21) This has been really big for me lately. If I have the power to save someone from going to hell and I don't, that's a big problem! I urge you to speak out! Stand up for God. It's not easy. I can tell you from experience. But this is a time of change. We need to take a stand. How many of your friends do you know you aren't going to see in Heaven? And I know I have trouble with this and this is something I am working on. There is a lot I have to work on in my life and this is just one of them.


p.s. please keep praying for me. This past month has been really hard for me and I could really use it. Thank you. :)